Independence and New Surprises in a Successful Relationship

Independence and New Surprises in a Successful Relationship by Terry Leslie

It is really important that you check in with yourself every now and then and make sure that you are presenting an accurate picture of yourself to those around you. If you start becoming too predictable, too stereotypical, women start to lose what interest they have in you. Don't be afraid to show up with a few little surprises here and there. Most of all don't be surprised when she gets really turned when you change it up on her a little bit.

I am not talking a total and complete make over. I am simply talking about opting to be genuinely unique as you are. Stop paying attention to the rules of conduct that are governed by your clothing or the type of car you drive. Be a totally independent man.

Being an independent man means making decisions that completely work for you. Some women find a little too much independence a turn off. For instance if you've been dating for six or seven months and things seem to be heading in the direction of long term serious commitment and you turn around and quit your job without notice and decide that the two of you are moving to Tahiti, you might throw her off a little bit.

However, if you have decided to change careers or you decide to break out of all your old habits and start new ones without becoming a completely different person overnight, she really might find that you are keeping it seriously interesting.

The biggest trouble men have with who they are is trying too hard to follow all of the rules that have been laid out for them. The sensible guy isn't supposed to get spontaneous and the bad boy isn't supposed to settle down and get a real job. These are most definitely presumptuous thoughts and invitations for complete dismantling. And I would encourage you to dismantle away.

By being independent and offering up your own unique view of the world and how you fit into it, you are able to keep things moving in a new and enlightening direction. Women won't get bored with you.

When a woman gets bored with you it basically means that you have become too predictable. You are not adding an element of excitement to her life, which is vital for everyone who really wants to experience being alive.

Chances are that before any woman ever announces that she has become bored with you that you have become bored with yourself. You have been sporting the same haircut for how long now and you have been performing the same identical daily routine for how long? When was the last time you really challenged yourself? When was the last time you took a lot of big risks and enjoyed the thrill of it all? It can be really easy to get locked into that safety of familiarity. When we stop challenging ourselves we stop growing. And when we stop growing those around us become rather bored with us.

Sometimes it is just as important to step out there and take a risk with yourself as it is to take a risk in order to get a woman's phone number. You are not an automatic machine with a preprogrammed future. You are in control of your life and getting on the stick and deciding to shake things up a bit keeps you more engaged, more present, and most definitely more in demand.

Being interested in the world way beyond your window is part of being an engaged member of the world. Visit places and learn new things. Develop an attitude of restlessness and spiritedness. These attitudes will save you from the doldrums of self boredom which in turn save you from the boredom of women.

When a woman can count on you to enhance her life, to make her crave new things and new experiences, and to be there when the world decides to hand over a little bit of unfairness, then a woman can count on you to be the one she wants to fall in love with. It can take her a long time to determine that you have what it takes to fill the shoes of being her guy, but once you're there you are in for the ride of your life.



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How To Build Trust In Your Relationship

How To Build Trust In Your Relationship by Steven Carter

This is going to sound like a cliché, and rightfully so, but trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. Without it, a relationship is full of misery and doomed to fail. With extramarital affairs, divorce and failed relationships becoming more and more prevalent in today's society, many people are becoming reluctant to place their faith in their partners. They view their partners with suspicion, while questioning their every word.

However, there are ways to build trust, and all is not lost. By using these three simple tips, you can build the trust you need in your relationship.

1) Keep your word. Wow, I'm imagining the surprise registering across your face at this moment. How profound a statement was that? It sounds easy, but many people are unable to do this simple thing. Some people are liars by nature, and others want to please their partners so badly, that they say they are going to do something without actually having the means to do it.

It's simple; if you say you're going to do something, be somewhere or anything else for that matter, try to keep your word. If you do this the majority of the time, your partner will notice, and trust will grow. Even if you make a promise to someone who isn't your partner, keep your word. It will become a habit, and soon you'll be known to be a person of integrity.

2) Show you care. Don't be afraid to show your emotions. It's easier to show someone trust, if you know they care about your feelings and you care about theirs. Would you place your trust in someone who is cold? Would you be quick to trust someone who was going to laugh, belittle or demean you when you make a mistake?

Show your partner how much they mean to you every day if possible. Show them how important their feelings are, and they'll return the favor by placing their trust in you.

3) Show your trust in them first. Jealousy can be a powerful thing, but you shouldn't give in to it. Show your partner you trust them, and they'll probably do the same. Nobody likes to feel like they're being controlled, and if you're continually jealous and over-bearing, your partner is going to start to wonder why. Trust must be built on trust. Both people in the relationship must be willing to trust the other, so why not let that trust start with you?

Conclusion

Trust is a fragile thing. Once broken, it's hard to get back. Yet in every relationship, the bond that trust can create is a wonderful thing, and worth the risk it involves. Once you find that special someone, who understands you and loves you for who you truly are, you must do everything in your power to keep his or her trust close to your heart.



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How to Deal with Fear of Rejection

How to Deal with Fear of Rejection by Mike Pilinski

You look up and see a girl. She's definitely your type and you lock eyes for a moment, frozen... like a pair of deer caught in each other's headlights. She acknowledges your presence -- there's a mild curiosity in her eyes. Seconds grind by like hours and you can feel the moment gurgling away like rainwater down a sewer. You're vaguely aware there's some kind of play to be made here or something, but you're completely unprepared. Then something distracts her and she looks away... the train pulls out, she gets into a cab, the bell rings for class. The moment vanishes like a ghost as though it had never existed in the first place. But you'll see it over and over again in your mind won't you? Re-run a zillion times like a bad movie that you can't get away from.

If you've ever known the agony of watching a chance encounter ripe with romantic possibility slip away while you stood helplessly and watched, then you know all about the lowest moment in a man's life. Fear of having our romantic advances rejected by a woman still remains the #1 most difficult aspect of trying to hook up. And I think it could be even worse nowadays than ever before. After all, when have men ever been at such a social disadvantage to women as they are today... what with the complete collapse of any sort of culturally insistent need for them to act subservient in our presence? When have they ever been as sarcastic, demanding or casually judgmental of our fumbling actions?... or as secure in expressing them -- since they now have the full protection of the law (including government and corporate anti-harassment rules) protecting them from any serious blowback?

This makes the job of romantically approaching a woman a momentous chore for those of us who don't happen to have a monster set of brass balls helping us out. I've done a lot of study and thinking about this subject (not to mention experiencing some delightful kicks in the teeth during the course of my, ah... research), and it seems to me that there are 3 important things to know about the art of meeting women:

1) You need to have some kind of standard icebreaker. And I'm not talking about some worn-out conversational opener like "been here often?". Stop and think for a moment -- most of us (unless we have some sort of severe social anxiety that requires psychiatric treatment) usually have no real problem making casual small talk with people, even perfect strangers on the subway, and really... even with hot chicks. If you knew in advance that you were only going to walk up to a girl and have a conversation about the weather, why... there would hardly be any anxiety involved in THAT, right? So then why all the fear?

Because we know that if our true desire is to "pick her up", then somehow we will have to do SOMETHING SPECIAL in order to change that mundane conversation over into a romantic one -- and THIS unknown "something" that we have no clue as to how to do is what scares the hell out of us!

I call this essential yet frightening transitional moment in a man-woman exchange "the icebreaker" -- and like I said it is our uncertainty over just how to make this verbal "crossover" without looking like a complete fool that lies at the heart of our fear of rejection. Here in Dr. Frankenstein's "seduction lab" I like to devise various little work-arounds for these types of nasty problems.

One interesting conversational device that I've actually had a surprising amount of luck with is something I call resigned speculation. This is where you ask "The Question" by framing it in a manner that makes it seem like there is, of course, little or no chance of her responding in a positive way: "Listen, I know I'm probably crazy imagining that someone as (attractive, cool, stunning, vibrant) as you would be free to (have dinner, grab some coffee, get a drink) with me some evening...?" And then (the tough part) let that question just hang in the air until she's forced to react. You're speculating, you see -- resigned to the fact that it's probably just a pipe dream that anyone as gorgeous as her would be in a position to take up your wistful offer. See? This sort of oblique approach is disarming, charming and non-threatening to most women... especially if you present it in a playful and teasing manner.

Resigned speculation is a great way to casually cross over the boundary from friendly stranger to romantic possibility without having to make that high-pressure, sweaty "verbal hit" that many of us just can't bring ourselves to do. I've actually been stunned at how many times women will immediately jump at such a seemingly "oh well..." kind of offer. Not always of course, or even most of the time truthfully, but I'll bet it's been around 30-40% of the time in my experience... and in this crazy and unpredictable game baby, dat ain't bad!

2) Whatever you decide your icebreaker is, you need to standardize that statement for yourself, write it down... AND DRIVE IT WAY DOWN DEEP INTO YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND! That's because when the moment arrives and you see a great looking girl and have a perfect opportunity to approach her... your nerves will start to jangle, your mind will blank out and pretty much just flatline on you. And when your skull is empty, you are powerless my friend.

You need to do whatever it takes to make this phrase as easy to remember as a song lyric that you've heard blasted a thousand times on the radio. Something that you can 'sing' on a moment's notice in any situation... a park, an elevator, a party. Otherwise you are merely carrying around a lot of book learning in your head, but you haven't cultivated any actual SKILL yet.

3) The ability to meet and seduce women is one of the most difficult things that we will ever have to learn how to do as men. Maybe if you're currently training to land the next generation of Altair spacecraft on the moon in 15 years you've got something tougher going on in your life, but for the rest of us this sad fact remains basically true. The point is that you've got to understand the magnitude of this life challenge in order to give yourself a break and set yourself free any sense of shame that could still be lingering from past failures and fouling you up. Your behaviors are always just an expression of your most persistent thoughts -- and if those thoughts constantly linger on how much you suck and how hopeless and helpless you are, then your life's reality will follow suit... and it too will come to suck.

Begin by losing any "emotionally scarred for life" type of crutch that you might currently be hobbling around on. Nobody gets to ride any sob story for life, I don't care how horrible it was. The shelf life expires someday. You must develop the determination to press on and become as good as you need to be at this aspect of your male existence. Some of you will want to become big time players for instance, while others may be looking for a wife or girlfriend. Many of you just need to get laid and then allow that event to guide you where it may. Decide at what level YOU need to play this game, and then approach the task of acquiring the necessary skills to do so in a logical and rational fashion devoid of any "clouding" emotions such as bitterness or despair. This is how you eventually get good at charming women, it's no magic.



By learning how to mimic key behaviors that women find attractive in so called "alpha males", Mike Pilinski overcame an incredible case of rejection phobia. His resulting success forms the basis for the methods that he now teaches men. Visit Mike's website at http://www.HighStatusMale.com to see his highly acclaimed e-books "Without Embarrassment" and the brand new HSM Audio Training Series: "Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection".


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