A Top Sales Speaker Tip for Sales Effectiveness

A Top Sales Speaker Tip for Sales Effectiveness by Jeff Hardesty

Imagine for a moment that it is your first day in a new sales organization and your sales manager tells you to forget about Quota – block it out of your mind. You may think they’re out of their mind. How can anyone possibly lead a sales organization or manage their individual sales effectively without focusing on Quota?
After all, in the world of outside sales, you either meet your Quota or eventually you’ll be outside the door looking to meet some other sales force’s quota.

But what if I told you that’s the first step toward exponential revenue growth. Sales success is not about running after quota each month or year. Success comes from a Process; proven steps to meet benchmarked competency levels and a focus on the essential elements and powerful routines that maximize your sales effectiveness week in and week out.

Let’s first define what we mean by a “core competency.” We will then introduce the 3 Core Competencies, and spend our time understanding how they can dramatically increase your success.

The term Core Competencies refers to those essential elements in the sales process that most directly impact your success. These elements are controllable and measurable, and sales professionals can be trained to be proficient in these areas. Unfortunately, many sales organizations and individuals lose focus – distracted by peripheral activities or sophisticated systems that track dozens of different activities when only a handful really matters.

Without a foundation built upon these essential elements or Core Competencies, and because of all the distractions and roadblocks an organization is susceptible to today, results can be mediocre or less.

Take a look at the following list of actions that are common in a sales process, and select the items that you believe are absolutely essential to your success.

- Closing Sales
- Developing Prospect Lists
- Setting new Business Appointments
- Running 1st Appointments
- Working Sales Prospects through the Sales Pipeline
- Post-Sale Marketing
- Developing Referrals
- Reporting and Paperwork
- Documenting Testimonials

Now many of these tasks are important, but they are not all Core Competencies. Yes, it is important and useful to ask for referrals and develop testimonials from satisfied customers, but your success hinges mostly on the mastery of – and attention to – the (3) Core Competencies.

One simple way to determine whether a routine or task is truly a core competency is to ask what activities are directly related to sales revenue. After all, sales revenue is how we sales people measure success. That’s our scorecard at the end of the month.

We can do that through a series of questions around each element listed above.

Question #1:
Is it an essential component to the sales mission or is it just an ingredient in the recipe?

Consider a golfer’s essential competencies from tee-off to last putt. Is the core competency the ball – or the club? Or is it the golf swing and putting stroke?

Question #2:
Can it be measured routinely and accurately with a napkin, pencil, and calculator?

Can you set a realistic performance benchmark tied to revenue goals? You know you have achieved this when you can tell a new hire in the sales organization the (3) simple numbers that will guarantee monthly sales success.

Question #3:
Can you apply “Timely Training” and “Powerful Routines” around each core competency?

We know what ‘sales training’ is, but do we understand why sales training fails?

‘Timely training’ is NOT a seminar or one-time event. It requires appropriate structures for learning and application, defining useful short-term objectives, measuring progress, working closely with qualified trainers for follow-up and support, and most importantly, organizational commitment. ‘Timely training’ is focused on one competency at a time until the appropriate milestone performance metric is realized.

So, if you can say it is directly tied to revenue (or your end result), is a skill set that can be trained to for improvement and can be measured, consider it a Core Sales Competency.

Perhaps a golf analogy will help illustrate the power of the Business of Core Competencies. A self-professed “poor” golfer with a chronic slice might attempt to correct the problem by adjusting his stance – actually aiming away from the fairway so that the slice hopefully lands the ball in the middle.

In contrast, a low handicap golfer with a chronic slice might address the problem by adjusting their grip, rotating their hips, or adjusting the arc of their swing. In other words, good golfers address the core competencies of the swing vs. adjusting peripheral elements.

So what are the 3 Core Competencies?

Core Sales Competency 1: Conversation to Appointment Ratio.

Don’t worry if you have never heard of let alone ‘measured or trained to’ this sales competency because if you haven’t you’re in the majority… not the minority.

Your ‘conversation to appointment ratio’ is how many conversations you must conduct with target prospects to achieve 1 new sales appointment.

The national average is in the 4-18% range. That is, most sales individuals have about 10-25 conversations to book 1 or 2 new sales appointments. That’s why the sales competency of setting new targeted business appointments is the Achilles heel of most sales organizations.

In fact, that’s why I travel the country showing sales people and sales management how to improve this critical sales competency so they spend a lot less time to achieve more targeted appointments.
Once this competency is improved beyond your competitors, the benefits are more revenue in less time, less sales employee turnover due to low sales appointment activity and a quicker ramp-to-quota for new hire sales reps.


Core Sales Competency 2: 1st Appointment to Proposal Ratio

What’s the objective of your first sales appointment?

Have you defined what you want to happen at the conclusion of your 1st appointment? Only then can you actually set up a proficient sales methodology to achieve the defined objective more times than not. And with a pre-defined objective to your 1st appointment you can (1) set a realistic benchmark of success and (2) measure the outcome. It becomes part of your sales performance scorecard.

What is a 1st appointment to proposal ratio? It’s simply how many times you gain commitment with your prospect to take the next step, as outlined by your sales process. Depending on your solutions-based product or service and your sales methodology, your ‘Next step’ may be one of the following:

• An on-site demonstration
• A trial period of your “widget”
• A tour of your operations or manufacturing facility
• A no-obligation survey
• An evaluation and side-by-side comparison, apples to apples
• A solution-based evaluation, apples to oranges

Whatever your ‘Gateway’ is, be sure to attach a business rule and definition to it, and then most importantly measure it.

Defining and measuring this ‘Gateway’ will provide you with a ‘Reality Mirror’ of how competent you are with the initial phase of your sales process.
So if you have set a realistic benchmark company-wide of a 60% 1st Appointment to Proposal ratio and you have sales individuals below it, you can pro-actively provide them with targeted coaching and support tools to help them achieve the standard benchmark. And that drives more revenue.


Core Sales Competency 3: Closing Ratio

The Closing ratio is the number of proposals that result in new sales.

As a sales professional, your objective is to educate a prospect throughout the sales process so that the prospect can make an informed and clear buying decision. Your goal is to lead the prospect through every gateway and ultimately reach a legitimate ‘yes’ or ‘no’ at the end of the sales process.

Identifying (3) key Core sales competencies is different from the superficial values so prevalent in sales organizations today, such as “a relentless focus on quota” or “a superior drive to succeed” or other such motivational mantras. The trouble is the mantras usually lack depth and substance.

First identify your critical core sales competencies that are tied to routine sales success.
Your next step is to set realistic benchmarks to these sales competencies and finally, develop pin-point sales performance training and support systems to allow the majority of your sales force to be routinely ‘sales quota’ savvy.



Jeff Hardesty is a National sales speaker, Sales performance improvement consultant and the Developer of the X2 Sales System®, a blended sales prospecting training system that teaches sales professionals the competency of setting targeted C-level business appointments.
Jeff can be reached at jeff@salesspeakerpro.com.

Submit your sales performance numbers and receive a complimentary Sales performance Check-up with Jeff and a 15-minute Evaluator web-cast complete with (3) Sales Performance Improvement Blueprints @
http://www.salesspeakerpro.com/sales-performance-appraisal.php




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Energy Enhancement Meditation Opening the Heart, Relationships, Hanbledzoin, Kundalini + Shaktipat.

Energy Enhancement Meditation Opening the Heart, Relationships, Hanbledzoin, Kundalini + Shaktipat. by Swami Satchidanand

Usually first step is to Open the Heart, and on this planet only perhaps 50% of the people have started to think a little about others instead only of themselves.

This means that the other 50% of the people perhaps are entirely selfish so now you can understand all your problems with relationships! Opening the Heart is the First Initiation on the path of Enlightenment and in it the Solar Plexus starts to empower the Heart with its energy. Blockages stopping the flow of Energy include Anger.

Anger is totally removed!

Then Master Relationships. This is the Second Initiation and entails the Second, Abdominal or Relationship chakra starting to power the Throat Chakra, the source of our creativity. And then open the pathway between the Base Chakra and all the Head Chakras. This is commonly called Enlightenment itself. The Crown Chakras purpose is to access the Soul or Higher Self through the Antahkarana or the Energy Connection from the Crown Chakra to the Higher chakras above the head, or The Highest Heart, Prajna Paramita. ENERGIZE!!

Once Relationships have easily been mastered then The Third Initiation, Enlightenment happens in the same Lifetime!

The problems of the World are now so intense that there needs to be a speeding up of evolution to create more evolved and Happy Beings. The problem is that most people are Not Happy!

The problems of the World come from a Lack of Evolution, a Lack of the Opening of the Heart, of Caring, of Sympathy, of wanting to help, Of wanting to reduce the amount of Pain in Humanity. If you have no Heart which is the Case of more than half of Humanity, then Selfishness, Anarchy, War, Revenge, Jealousy, Envy, Torture and Psychopaths will rule! And this has been the case for all the History of this Earth! This speeding up of evolution can only come with a Heart to provide by Right of Being Born, of All Basic Needs to every member of Humanity.

As a Good Family gives its Sons and Daughters Everything for their Evolution. These Basic Needs Are Food, Housing, Money, Education And Meditation Teaching, also Security, And Human Rights.

Meditation will Speed Up all other techniques, Hatha Yoga, working on the health of the body, Pranayama, working on increasing energy and happiness, Dance or Martial arts, for instinctive grace and movement. In Energy Enhancement we start with meditation and move on into The Kundalini Kriyas of the Hindu and Taoist Masters. Then Samyama, working on removing all the problems of: Energy Blockages, Cleaning the Psychic Body, Cleaning the Inner Traumas and Memories, Creating Incredible Relationships.

We need to work first on Meditation and the Grounding of Negative Energies. As Gurdjieff said, "First Mastic. Then Mystic." Which is the ability to digest all negative energies.

Extra energy comes from outside, from the teachers usually, "Hanbledzoin," as Gurdjieff said, is the Energy, The Bled, or Blood of the Masters, and is necessary for the integrative process. This is the Buddhafield. This is the origin of Shaktipat. This is the origin of all access to the symptoms of Kundalini Energy.

These specialized energies are available to complete the psychic bodies, to fill them up, to complete them. These energies can only come through properly Authorised Teachers. An Advanced Synthesis of Successful Meditation Techniques is a new Higher Frequency of Energy sent by Ascended Masters and Highly Evolved Devas or Angels to speed up the evolution of this planet.

All Advanced teachers can be judged by all students to have Advanced Meditational Experience after years of Training. It is the first test of the Student to choose the Right Teachers.

Some teachers teach that it is necessary to take energy from other students. They never mention the Opening of the Heart through the Removal of Energy Blockages like Anger and Depression. They Never mention the Purification of the Antahkarana and Connection with the Soul. Energy Vampires only want to steal energy from others and increase Trauma and Pain blockages to do this.

Instead of taking over Twenty years of Meditation, Advanced Techniques allow the process to be speeded up with the Advanced Techniques from a Synthesis of Successful Meditation Techniques taught to all advanced practitioners of Meditation for over 5000 years.

Good Teachers of Meditation must transmit Energies to help the Evolution of their Students. This Uppadesa is sometimes called Shaktipat and can come by word, glance or in Silence.

Good Teachers will always teach Advanced Techniques to Remove Aches and Pains, Negative Emotions and Trauma, Open the Heart, Connect to the Energies of the Higher Self and thus Access Higher Levels of Energy.

As the Ancient Text of the Siva Samhitã, iii, 10-19: says, "Now I shall tell you how easily to attain success in Yoga, by knowing which the Yogis never fail in the practice of Yoga. Only the knowledge imparted by a Competent Teacher through his lips is powerful and useful; otherwise it becomes fruitless, weak and very painful.

Why spend time on techniques which give no results?

As Gautama Buddha Said, "Meditation is for those who believe in the reality of Enlightenment, and understand the Urgency of the Situation." So, do not hang around. If you believe in Enlightenment, then you need to find the best and most Speedy Way!

Speed Up The Process of Enlightenment with Advanced and Effective Meditation Techniques, a Syntheses of Ancient and successful techniques over 5000 years old.
The roots come from many ancient disciplines available in most Ancient Cultures all over the World, and include -

• Alchemical V.I.T.R.I.O.L, the first Formula of Alchemy, in reality a guided meditation to give you Incredible Energy!!
• Yoga to make you Flexible, Strong and increase the years of your long and happy life.
• Meditation to Access Peace and Clarity within.
• Kundalini Kriyas
• Taoist Meditation Techniques including the Microcosmic and Macrocosmic Orbits.
• Kundalini Tantra and Energy Circulations of Kriya Yoga
• Creating the Antahkarana so you can access the Incredibly Intense Energies of the Soul.
• Soul Infusion and Connecting to the External Energies of the Highest Heart.
• The Grounding and Purification of Negative Energies
• Psychic Purification of the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual Bodies.
• The removal of Energy Blockages and implants to Remove all Aches and Pains
• The creation of the Light Body so you can have more Radiance.
• The use of the Ancient Egyptian Technology of the Merkaba.
• Golden Pyramid Psychic Protection to Stop Energy Vampires.



Satchidanand, Director of Energy Enhancement, is one of the leading teachers of Meditation!

He helps people worldwide reach further than they EVER thought possible,
FASTER!!

http://www.energyenhancement.org

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Make Full Use of Your Articles Resource Box

Make Full Use of Your Articles Resource Box by Adrian Kennelly

I run an article directory on my site, and I'm seeing an increasing number of articles being submitted, solely for the backlink given in the Resource Box. This is probably due to the increasing number of PLR articles and material that is becoming available.

Now, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with this, I just believe that authors who are doing this are missing out on potential traffic and/or customers. Such resource boxes will only benefit their site rankings in any search engine that values incoming links.

Is this a bad thing? No. Where they are losing out is as follows.

Much of the traffic to my article directory comes from search engines, by people searching for information on a specific topic. Now, this user types in their keywords, clicks on the search box, and is given a list of related sites. They chose one, and are taken to the author's article. They read the article about, say, snowboarding, think "This is interesting" and go to the author's resource box at the end of the article to see what else they have to say on this subject. There, they find a link to a site advertising mobile ringtones. Is the reader going to be impressed, or interested in this? Not very likely. They want to find out about snowboarding, not personalize their phone. I believe one of three things will happen then:

The reader leaves the entire site in disgust.
The reader clicks on a link to a related article.
The reader clicks on a related Google AdSense (or similar contextual advertising) ad.

They don't click the author's resource link. That's a potential customer lost, quite probably for good.

Yes, put a link in to your site in the resource box, but most article directories allow several links, so for goodness sake put a link in that' ;s related to the article subject as well, and preferably put it in first, before you lose the customer.

"But my site doesn't have anything to do with that subject on it!"

Then add something that does. Add an article directory, and have the resource box saying "To read more articles on this subject, click here". Add a web directory, and have the text say "To view links to sites on this subject, click here". Or simply go to ClickBank, look for related projects, and have a link to them, with the link saying something like "If you want to learn more on this subject, purchase this product". Preferably, not a direct link to the product, but a cloaked or redirected one.

By doing this, you still get that link to your site that you were after originally, but, additionally, you have the chance to make money from the reader in a new way. A win-win situation. Plus, you don't look like someone simply submitting purchased content on any subject merely for the sake of the backlink it will give you. A much more professional look. Isn't it worth taking the time to make better use of your resource box?



Adrian Kennelly runs the DirectoryGold Article Directory

Visit it for more articles on Writing Articles and Article Marketing

(c)2006 eGDC Ltd

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Stock Images- The Indispensable Tool For Designers And Webmasters

Stock Images- The Indispensable Tool For Designers And Webmasters by Albert Mills

When the already obtainable photographs are accredited for definite usage, then they are called Stock photography. These are also known as ‘stock photos’, ‘photo archive’ or ‘image banks’ in USA. Outside the United States, the term ‘picture library’ is generally used to refer to these stock photos. Stock photographs generally consist of still images, illustrations and videos. Stock photographs are useful to a large section of people that includes book publishers, business resourceful groups, specialty publishers, interior decoration firms, magazines, graphic designers, advertising agencies, web designers and filmmakers. In the Internet there are outstanding collection of stock photography images from all the leading brand names. Instead of going for on-location shooting, using stock photography will help the customers to save adequate amount of time and money. Suppose, submitting a photo on a certain topic is required immediately and there is no time at all for shooting the photo in a conventional time-consuming process. So, stock photos can come to the rescue now. Researchers can easily come across their well-desired images from the broad assortment of online images. With the advent of digital delivery techniques, people can buy, download or e-mail images easily.

In the stock photography industry, the new micro-stock models of images get filed at the agencies. The photographers are paid a certain amount of percentage. There are various factors on which the cost of the images depends on. These are the audience, the frequency and duration of using these images and the associated countries or regions. The licensed price varies from $1 to $200. You can find any type of image that will fit the budget of your project. For big budget projects, you can afford high-cost images; otherwise just go for the images that come at a cheaper price rate. Some professional stock photographers submit their images to more than one agency. The photographers can sell the same image several times. So, the availability of these images increases. In case of ‘rights managed’ stock photography, the agencies go for a separate licensing contract for each use whereas in ‘royalty free’ stock photography, the purchasers can use the image again and again with a single license fee. There is no restriction of time. But there is a limit in the number of usage. In this way, other customers are debarred from using a certain image for a specific time period. From stock photography, both low-resolution and high-resolution images are accessible. You can use the ‘rights managed’ images in 2 mediums separately. But for each use, you have to pay the agency separately. The size of the audience is important here. The non-payment licensing period for most of the stock agencies is 6 months to 1 year. Other options are on hand too. There are also certain provisions to apply for ‘exclusive’ rights in ‘rights-managed’ images. Thus scope of overusing the image by the challenger market lessens. The ‘released images’ are classified into 2 sections. These are ‘model released’ and ‘property released’ stock images. These images are accessible for authorization through stock photography agencies. Usage charge is not required in case of ‘Royalty-Free Images’. So, for unrestricted, worldwide usage, royalty free license is the best resort.

H. Armstrong Roberts founded the 1st prominent stock photography agency way back in 1920. The current name of the agency is RobertStock. In the 1980s, the industry of stock photography got a significant facelift. The Image Bank, Masterfile, Index Stock Imagery, FPG, SuperStock and Comstock Images were the leading agencies of this period. In the 1990s and early 2000s, Getty Images, Corbis and JupiterMedia Corporation emerged as some of the major players in this business. All the photographs are distributed only through Internet. Both professional and amateur photographers are employed in this business. In 2004, fotoLibra started the system of open access model by which everybody became capable of uploading and marketing the images. Throughout Europe and North America, there are several stock photography agencies that supply good quality images to various media publishers and advertising agencies. The demand for lifestyle images is on the rise nowadays.

If we search through Goggle, we can come across innumerable stock photo agencies. You can use smaller or larger agencies as per your requirement. The number of images of your preferred topic varies considerably according to the agency strength. There are certain guidelines you can follow while searching for stock photography images. You should always opt for the advanced search techniques. The position of these advanced search buttons vary according to the agencies. Let us suppose that you are going to search for images on ‘chocolates’. You should insert that very key phrase ‘chocolate’ and click the advanced search button. Soon, you will be flooded with desired results. In some agencies, you have to register as per the agency’s terms and conditions. Not much information is required to register in Index Stock. But FotoSearch, Getty Images and Corbis want extensive information. Your image buying process will get facilitated if you set up an account at the agency’s website. Setting up an account and registering don’t have much of a difference in the websites of some companies. Some agencies proffer special services also. You can search for high quality images such as images without any watermark. In some stock photography agencies, you can get the assistance of professional searchers also. These professional searchers have proven to be immensely beneficial for certain customers. For further queries, calling the customer care associates of the agencies will definitely be a wise option. The amicable customer care services of various stock photography image agencies have got global appreciation.

If you are looking forward to the perfect stock photo for your marketing project, you can at once search through the online agencies. Inserting the keywords, image type, image size and color will be helpful. Searching by orientation like portrait, panoramic and layout is available in agencies like Index Stock Imagery. The more you be specific in terms of keywords, the results will be more precise. Let us suppose that you want photographs on ‘children playing on the beach’. Here, all the key words ‘children’, ‘play’ and ‘beach’ must be included in your search. Re-sorting the images from the search results is possible too. Searching by the name of the artist who has generated the image is another popular option. To make your search more refined, you can insert your desired adjectives in the keyword. If you are satisfied with the images you obtain, you can place them in the ‘light box’ where other people connected to the project can take a look at them. Using the ‘light box’ is acceptable in Index Stock. Some prefer e-mailing the images to the co-workers. The name of the light box appears as the subject line in the mails of the recipients. In the mail, a clickable URL exists that refers to the light box. All the stock photography agencies have almost identical features. After the selection of the stock images, filling up the online ordering form is mandatory. You have to spell out the actual forms of usage of the images. After the completion of the ordering process, you get necessary information from the agencies on the downloading of images. Next comes the step for saving and using the images. The whole process of purchasing a license for online stock photography is trouble-free, speedy and reasonably priced.

Stock photography, nowadays, is an extensively used application of digital media. Digital audio, digital video and other digital ‘content’ are the prime categories of digital media. The digital information processing machines play an important role in this regard. The digital media is technologically far more advanced than the analog media. From the conventional stock photography, a branch known as Micro Stock Photography has emerged. These images are obtainable only from the Internet. The agencies of micro stock photography buy images from a broad assortment of photographers that incorporates recreational photographers also. The cost of royalty free images is quite less. The range of the price is between $10 and $20. Here, quantity of the images is the major concern of the photographers. Bruce Livingstone initiated the microstock photography industry. You can download thousands of microstock photographs from agencies like ShutterStock, Dreamstime, BigStockPhoto, Stock Photo and Fotolia. Gradually, the whole Stock Photography industry is going through a steady growth rate and in the coming years, it will surely undergo further revolution.



Albert Mills is a freelance photo researcher based in Barcelona, Spain currently
contracting for an international publishing group based in london and leading advertising agencies in Europe.
http://www.epictura.com
alisonyoung@epictura.com

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The Four Parenting Styles in Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive Behaviour

The Four Parenting Styles in Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive Behaviour by Joshua Uebergang

I want to firstly clear up a major parenting misconception. There is no one right way to raise a child. As with buying a car, becoming friends with your neighbours, or hanging out your clothes to dry, there is no one correct style you need to use for raising a healthy-minded child.

There a typically four parenting styles based on parenting research:

1. low love/low limits
2. low love/high limits
3. high love/low limits
4. high love/high limits

The love and limit parenting styles deal with how the parent disciplines their child/children.

Love means the parent disciplines using love such as comforting and negotiations. While limits means the parent disciplines using either passive, assertive, or aggressive discipline.

A short example of each of these limit styles are: Passive discipline is doing nothing; Assertive discipline is addressing the problem with you and the child coming out as winners such as negotiation; Aggressive discipline can be smacking the child.

You do not necessarily have one of these four parenting styles, but these are the major four and you do use both love and limits regardless of who you are. It's about finding the right balance of love and limits that suit you and your child's situation.

If you have a high love parenting style, then you'll reason, talk, and spend more time with them.

If you have a high limit parenting style, you use your authoriative power. This is said to be more old school with techniques such as smacking and the cane. It also includes a more recommended technique, assertive communication. You attempt to establish the child's discipline based on their respect for you and your desire for them to follow rules.

Of the four parenting styles, you use the one which feels "right" in your mind.

If your parents use a more high limit style and you felt this put you inline, then its likely you'll adopt the same disciplining techniques. On the otherhand, you could use a high love style because you felt your parents were overly aggressive when they used a high limit style.

Research has concluded that using a more low love/high limit parenting style is better then a low love/low limit style as children develop poor behavioral patterns from the low discipline parenting style. It is easy on you to use the low love/low limit style because you avoid any action and possible counteracts your child may give.

In one popular episode of Dr Phil, the Doctor was trying to solve a family's disciplining problems. The mum whom he was talking to on the show had this mindset of not disciplining her children because they would perceive her in a negative light. Dr Phil got through to the mum by saying something along these lines, "That is an extremely selfish act by not disciplining your children because of their poor behaviour. You really are only caring about yourself." The mum completely agreed and began to change her behavioural disciplining style.

However, do be careful with a high limit style that moderates the child's behaviour as it is more controlling and not recommended if more assertive and loving styles can be used. No one likes to be put on a pyschological collar, dragged around, and poked by the person controlling them. Do not use unnecessary control when effective communication skills can be utilised as it erects a barrier to communication and makes the other person shut you out.

As a parent, you need to utilise a high love style while finding the right limit style. In a situation where the child is under physical danger or some other major problem could result, you may need to be aggressive. When something needs to be done such as your children are noisy and they need to go to bed, an assertive approach is recommended such as, "Your squeeling ('The why' e.g. their noise) is making a lot of noise in the house and has made me angry ('The what.' Preferrably a tangible effect for children)." Lastly a passive or low limit approach where you do nothing could be used when the child spills a drink provided it was an accident. Of course, you would clean the mess-up but you shouldn't yell or punish the child for a simple accident.

Depending on the situation, you will need to vary the limit style. There is no set style to raise a child, except to have the style of variation. Be loving and be ready to adjust your limiting style to use passive, assertive, or aggressive behavioural discipline.



Joshua Uebergang writes a newsletter on how to communicate effectively which you can now sign up by visiting his effective communication skills site. If you'd like to develop your assertion more, check out the assertive communication and behaviour skills section.

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Mind Games: How To Eliminate The 5 Negative Thoughts That Shut Down Your Writing

Mind Games: How To Eliminate The 5 Negative Thoughts That Shut Down Your Writing by Daphne Gray-Grant

Have you ever reached for a brownie when you were trying to lose weight? Or stayed in bed when you intended to go to the gym? Or put off paying bills because it was "too much of a hassle"?

There are lots of different ways in which we sabotage ourselves. This is true of life in general and also true of the writing life.

Writing depends not just on discipline but also on the complicated interplay between what we know and what we feel.

I've worked as an editor for just about 30 years (honest, I was really young when I started) and I've noticed there are five key negative feelings or thoughts that tend to shut down our writing -- in much the same way that a circuit breaker shuts down electricity. BOOM and the lights go out.

Often, simply being aware of these thoughts is enough to take away their power. At other times, it's important to challenge them head-on. So let's see which ones are disrupting your writing (and therefore taking a bite of your income) and figure out what you can do about them.

1) I'm a lousy writer; I don't have the talent to do this.

This is probably the most common negative thought of all. My theory is it's usually born in high school when writing teachers single out one or two people in the class for praise and use their red pens too liberally with the rest. (To this day, when I'm editing, I make a point of never using red to make suggestions or corrections!) And too much of a focus on grammar and spelling in childhood often mean trouble for the adult writer.

But here's the interesting truth: We're all born lousy marketing writers. The people who become "good" are the ones who are prepared to do the following simple things:

- Read good writing and work to emulate it;
- Write a lot -- because writing is like exercise: the more you do, the better you get;
- Spend double the time on self-editing that they spend on writing.

If you discover that you're constantly bad-mouthing yourself as you write, replace the inner negative chatter with the following statement: "Writing is about practice. The more I do, the better I'll get. When I finish this article (letter, report, etc.) I'll have more experience and I'll have improved."

2) I don't have the time to write

This is one of my favourite negative thoughts because it's so common and sooo easy to blow out of the water. The writing world is littered with people who quit their day-jobs so they could work on their books. But here's the secret: The published novelists and non-fiction writers are almost always the people who continue with their regular work and write in their spare time.

Just as the cactus thrives in a hot, dry environment, writing thrives in the absence of time. Yes, you read that correctly. Writing not only can be done quickly; it is better done quickly. That's partly because, if you're fast enough, you can usually out-run and out-write the negative chatter in your head.

People often make the mistake of trying to set aside huge chunks of time for writing (especially for reports). Me? I love writing in 10-minute bursts. Not only does this allow me to get ideas out of my head and onto paper when they are fresh, but it also gives me a big payback down the road. That's because when I go back to the document I often discover my article is much further ahead than I'd realized. No blank page. It's a great feeling.

I do like having a decent chunk of time to self-edit -- a different task from writing -- but I'm talking maybe 30 to 60 minutes. Not all day.

When you're planning your writing time, think in small increments, not big chunks. Remember: If you write 300-350 words a day, you'll have written a decent-length book by the end of a year.

3) I'd better do a really good job on this (article, report, letter) because my reputation/sales results hinge on it.

Of course you want your writing to be good. And of course certain pieces of work you do can be important to your business or career. But to understand why this negative line will do you in, it might help to think about professional sports. Take tennis for example.

Do you think Martina Navratilova won a record nine Wimbledon singles championships and 58 Grand Slam titles by telling herself, "I really need to win this game; if I don't, I'm in trouble." Of course not! I don't know about Martina, but I do know many professional athletes work with psychologists precisely so they can learn to turn off this unhelpful chatter. After all, this sort of self-talk is more likely to cause them to choke than to win.

Similarly, when you're writing, you need to shut down the tiny yet persistent voice that tells you how much you have riding on this job. Instead, do what the athletes do. Focus on the ball -- in your case that means: focus on what you're writing.

And if that doesn't work, tell the voice that you don't have time to listen to it while you're writing, but you'll attend to it when you're editing the piece (when it can't do so much damage.)

4) I need to write about this topic

Truth is, unless you're a journalist or someone else who writes professionally, there are precious few topics that anyone is going to force you to cover. Sure you might need to write a pitch for a bank loan or sales letter to promote your product, but if you're writing an article for your e-zine or website, don't be bound by duty. Instead, focus on topics you feel passionate about.

Readers can smell disinterest the way lions can smell a steak. I've seen too many consultants who start an article by saying to themselves: "This is a hot topic in my industry right now." Or, "I want the search engines to pick me up on this one." Or, "People expect me to be an expert on this." Yawn.

Instead, choose a topic that excites you and has you fairly bursting to write. Then think hard about how to make it relate to your business, your keywords or your target market. Your enthusiasm will not only captivate your readers, it will also inspire you to write quickly and fluently.

5) Writing is too hard

Let's get something straight. Lifting bricks is hard; waiting tables is hard; telling someone they have cancer is hard. Writing is not hard. Writing is just writing.

There is a romantic notion -- perpetuated by Ernest Hemingway, Raymond Chandler and others -- that writers must be tortured. In fact, writing is just a job. Sure, sometimes it's more difficult than other times -- just like it's hard to return voicemail messages when you're headachy and grumpy or hard to go for a run when you're bone-tired.

But overall, writing is actually pretty cushy. You get to sit in a warm dry place. You can have a steaming cup of tea or coffee beside you. You don't have to do any heavy lifting (with Spell check, you don't even have to lift the dictionary!) And best of all, you get the privilege of sharing your thoughts -- the ones inside your head -- with other people.

So, dismiss the notion that writing is an onerous act. Writing is something we all can do. Sure, some of us are better at it that others than others. But that's mostly because of practice. And if you write more, you too will improve.

Get at it.



A former journalist, Daphne Gray-Grant is a writing and editing coach who helps people writer better, faster. Visit her website at http://www.publicationcoach.com where you can sign up for her free weekly newsletter on power writing.

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Visiting A Winery - 5 Ways to Avoid Learning Anything

Visiting A Winery - 5 Ways to Avoid Learning Anything by Russ Beebe

Next time you visit the wine country, hire yourself a big limousine and follow these simple guidelines:

1. Plan your day around visiting as many wineries as possible.

2. Go to the same wineries everybody else does. After all, those are the popular wineries to go to, and they're more than ready to put a wine glass in your hand.

3. Don't listen to the tasting room staff, and be especially sure not to ask them too many questions. They're not paid enough to be knowledgeable professionals.

4. Have a strong desire to self-medicate. Start your wine tasting early in the day, and get sideways by noon.

5. Get your exercise! Walk back and forth from the limo to the tasting room, and repeat often.

Now THAT'S your kind of wine country vacation, right? Many others just like you think so, too. Aren't you glad you're not alone?

Be sure to keep the above guidelines handy, and refer to them often.

A Word to the Wise

Dear reader, as you may have guessed, the 5 guidelines above only apply to April Fools. For the rest of us who might consider ourselves to belong to the greater majority of responsible wine-loving adults, tasting wine is an experience to be savored and discussed, appreciated and remembered.

To tour a series of wineries to get a buzz is not what the wine-tasting experience is all about. Wine is food! And like the pleasure that comes from eating your favorite cuisine, wine can provide a similar allure. Food and wine, as many know, complement each other well. As with food, if you choose to taste wine, do it because you truly enjoy tasting it. But unlike food, don't go to a tasting room because you'd rather be drinking a lot of wine. Instead, stay home! But be responsible there, too.

If you would maximize your visit to the wine country, let us then provide contrast to the above guidelines and consider what will allow your wine country vacation to be a memorable experience - not just a sideways tour.

5 Ways to Maximize Your Wine-Country Experience

Call it wine country appreciation. Or, call it self-appreciation. In either case, if you would choose to truly benefit from a trip to the wine country, here now are five responsible guidelines signified by letters, instead of numbers, to differentiate from the list above.

A. Plan your day around visiting the wine country, not just its wineries.

There are a whole host of wonderful opportunities to be found in the wine regions of the world, whether you're touring the famed Bordeaux region, Oregon's Willamette Valley, or the up-and-coming Amador County area west of California's Sierra Nevada mountain range. A visit to these wine regions can include a number of historical, cultural, educational, heritage, and active outdoor pursuits. Quite often, having a local guide can dramatically enhance the personal growth aspects of vacationers.

Gaining appeal with today's travelers are tours ranging from culinary education classes that take place in spectacular settings to wellness retreats that offer exercise and nutrition counseling as well as superb pampering. Or, if you desire to be more active, you can find tours that offer a few days of exploring the flora, fauna, and scenic vistas of local open spaces, then a superb meal with wine tasting. Travelers are increasingly booking such tours, and they are trending heavily toward booking them online on a myriad of tour and travel websites.

B. To properly enjoy your wine-touring experience, choose your winery destination carefully.

Visitors are often drawn to the popular wineries that are located alongside the wine country's main arterial routes; for instance, Highway 29 in the Napa Valley. And yet those are the areas in which you'll find the greater share of vehicle traffic, especially during the summer tourist season. Of course, the traffic isn't just cars, limousines, and tour buses. After you get off the bus or out of your car and into the winery, you'll often wait in long lines of human traffic just to taste a wine or two. Ironically, this can defeat the purpose of Guideline A.

Many wineries and lodging operations offer better service and better vacation deals for your dollar during off-peak seasons. As a result, you'll find that you get to linger longer at a restaurant or have a conversation with a winemaker that goes beyond the merely casual. Having the time to relax and not compete with other tourists on your vacation can dramatically augment not only your sense of well-being, but also your wine knowledge and your social network.

In addition, there are many family-owned wineries that are real treasures. It's easy to overlook them, but once you make the effort to seek them out, you'll often be rewarded with an experience that will have you telling your friends about them. You may even find the winegrower getting off his tractor to take you for an impromptu tour of his vineyard or winery operation. Of course, he might have you consider purchasing a case of his wines for his trouble. But then, you may also find that you're not paying nearly the premium that you'll pay at the more popular wineries along the main wine roads.

C. The tasting room staff earn their pay, and they do it out of passion. Let them guide you.

The wineries aren't in business to attract more tourists. They're in business because they have a clear understanding of the needs of their customers. If you're not the world's greatest wine expert, don't worry! You're among friends. Learning is why you traveled to the wine country in the first place, and winemakers and their staff love to talk about what they do. Listen, and ask questions. If you should visit more than one winery, ask the same questions. You'll enhance your understanding by the answers you'll hear, and what's more, you'll be delighted that you asked.

D. Be fully aware of your experience. Participate in it, and find yourself enchanted by it. Don't desensitize yourself to the magic of the wine country.

"The advantages of wine touring are beautiful scenery and a new learning experience. The disadvantages are that there's not enough wine."

This author has actually read the above statement in a review by a supposedly-serious wine expert. I've heard similar quips from the lips of the not-so-pleasantly plowed. While I might agree with the "advantage" half of that statement, the desired outcome of your wine tour should be a quality experience, not a quantity experience. Wine touring is not meant to be a dormitory-style competition.

Therefore, pace yourself. Pour the wine you no longer want into the proper receptacle, usually a spit bucket. Spit the wine into the bucket if necessary - it's perfectly acceptable within the context of tasting wine. But nobody likes a drunken tourist - not the winery staff, not the patrons, and especially not the wine country police.

E. To properly enjoy the wine country, get out of the land yacht and explore your surroundings.

Bring your hiking shoes with you, and find a local trail. Or, if you prefer to connect to your new surroundings on a deeper level, hire a guide. The reasons that grapes do so well in the wine country are often the same reasons why most areas surrounding the wine regions of the world offer a number of marvelous outdoor experiences. You'll find that a walk in the redwoods, an expansive mountaintop view, a remote meadow full of wildflowers, or a glimpse of a bobcat on the trail can heighten your wine country experience in sensational ways.

Plus, the exercise and the fresh air you'll get from your outdoor excursion will build your anticipation of those fine meals and exquisite wines that you came to the wine country for. They are the reward for your physical efforts, they balance your intrinsic desire for deeper understanding, and they make your vacation complete.

Copyright 2006 California Wine Hikes



Russ Beebe is an experienced wine taster and hiking guide who leads naturalist tours in the California wine country. Discover how you can enjoy the quintessential California experience at californiawinehikes.com.

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